During a time when growing up should be very exciting, it is causing tremendous stress to my almost 10 yr. old child. The fear of the unknown, the concern over the what-ifs, the anxiety over lack of control is weighing heavily. Why does change so often times feel emotionally painful for gifted children? Does change cause emotional pain?
I can't point to any studies, but I watch my child's internal distress daily over this issue of transition from child to tween. This all started with the pronouncement of said tween being ready for a "big kid" room. Gone are the days of soft childish color palettes and bring on the big and the bold. Great! With a very clear plan we scoured the internet for that perfect new comforter that was going to POP. After days of going back and forth the perfect comforter was found. We were on our way. With the new comforter was going to come a fresh coat of paint to the bedroom. Excitedly, we went to the store, picked (no joke) 14 different shades of blue and over the next few days we selected the perfect shade of blue. Great, done. Now we were ready for the execution of said tween room --- or were we? The over-excitabilites went into over-drive and everything came to a screetching halt! Ahh, what I wouldn't give for "normal" right now.
To not be over-thinking the final results. To not be stressing over the emotional ties created over the old comforter or stuffed animals collected and what will happen to them. To not have my child concerned over how the new room will feel -- familiar or foreign? How the smell won't be the same or the fabric's texture would be different. What happened to my excited child! The one who started us down this path of needing, wanting to grow up?
As my child grows, I am astonished at the new hurdles that seem to crop up and stand in the way. The need to wash the new comforter multiple times to break it in. The need to ease into the new room by sleeping with the new bedset before the wall gets painted. I am exhausted and I haven't even opened up the paint!
What I found was that setting a time limit helped in reducing the duration of stressing out. School break was coming up and that was the designated time to paint. If my tween wasn't ready that was perfectly fine but the next available time was going to be summer. That once the paint was purchased, we were comitted to making the changes once so excited about.
Trying to rationalize didn't work, trying to shut down the hole-digging wasn't going to be productive, but just listening (although the most difficult to accomplish) was what was needed most.
And so for the next week until painting is supposed to begin, we will be talking about, rehearsing various scenarios of, putting out stress fires for what is supposed to be an exciting transitional time in a child's life.
We just have to get there!
I can't point to any studies, but I watch my child's internal distress daily over this issue of transition from child to tween. This all started with the pronouncement of said tween being ready for a "big kid" room. Gone are the days of soft childish color palettes and bring on the big and the bold. Great! With a very clear plan we scoured the internet for that perfect new comforter that was going to POP. After days of going back and forth the perfect comforter was found. We were on our way. With the new comforter was going to come a fresh coat of paint to the bedroom. Excitedly, we went to the store, picked (no joke) 14 different shades of blue and over the next few days we selected the perfect shade of blue. Great, done. Now we were ready for the execution of said tween room --- or were we? The over-excitabilites went into over-drive and everything came to a screetching halt! Ahh, what I wouldn't give for "normal" right now.
To not be over-thinking the final results. To not be stressing over the emotional ties created over the old comforter or stuffed animals collected and what will happen to them. To not have my child concerned over how the new room will feel -- familiar or foreign? How the smell won't be the same or the fabric's texture would be different. What happened to my excited child! The one who started us down this path of needing, wanting to grow up?
As my child grows, I am astonished at the new hurdles that seem to crop up and stand in the way. The need to wash the new comforter multiple times to break it in. The need to ease into the new room by sleeping with the new bedset before the wall gets painted. I am exhausted and I haven't even opened up the paint!
What I found was that setting a time limit helped in reducing the duration of stressing out. School break was coming up and that was the designated time to paint. If my tween wasn't ready that was perfectly fine but the next available time was going to be summer. That once the paint was purchased, we were comitted to making the changes once so excited about.
Trying to rationalize didn't work, trying to shut down the hole-digging wasn't going to be productive, but just listening (although the most difficult to accomplish) was what was needed most.
And so for the next week until painting is supposed to begin, we will be talking about, rehearsing various scenarios of, putting out stress fires for what is supposed to be an exciting transitional time in a child's life.
We just have to get there!
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